10 commandments for dating
I've always had a very deep respect for the Ten Commandments. Second, because all this freedom we've experienced in the Western world is rooted in these lasting moral guidelines. He is not capable of being the center of anybody's world, including yours. Right to give you meaning and purpose, or if you are sitting there with a heart full of needs and thinking that a two-legged mammal with a deep voice is all you are lacking, memorize this first commandment.And third, because they summarize in a few digestible sentences who God is and how He operates, kind of like a very condensed version of God for Dummies. There is only one Savior, and maybe it's time to distinguish Him from the cute guy at Starbucks. First, get into a real live relationship with Jesus.With this in mind, I, single until the ripe old age of 36, could not help but apply these great commands to the often crazy and confusing world of dating. Talk to Him, listen to Him, and study His teachings.Once I did, I realized that there's no better material out there anywhere than what you find in Exodus 20. "You shall have no other gods before me."Applied to the world of the opposite sex, my single sisters, here's a paraphrase for you: Don't make Mr. In case you don't know, you're a worshipping creature. ll put something that looks like Him-men were created in His image, after all-on the throne.Then you're not really looking for someone to share life with, but someone to suck life from-and that, by definition, makes you a parasite. Right) to learn this before launching off down the aisle. Right falls under this category, you may want to step back and reevaluate your heart. We could say, then, that a false god (or idol) is going to be any form of false community or false relationship that somehow numbs our pain of being alone without changing the fact that we are. It's not a real relationship at all, but it temporarily feels good and numbs their pain of being alone, even though they are exactly that, utterly alone. We can feel important and loved if we appear beautiful and are admired-even if it's by strangers and even if we are emotionally isolated and autonomous. We eat to feel calm and safe-not because we are, but because it numbs our emotions. Love focuses on the other person's well-being and draws us toward more love and ultimately God Himself. Addiction-the worship of false gods and the practice of false community-makes us feel needy, insecure, and desperate. The good news is that about 80 percent of the trip back to healthy is acknowledging the problem. God can lead you out of any mess you're in if you choose to get on the same page as reality. Ephesians 5 spells out how the man is to be the leader in the marital relationship. Now, this doesn't mean that he barks orders and you do dishes; it simply means that in a deeply spiritual, emotional, and physical way, he is the pursuer, the initiator, and the protector. If you get married by being the pursuer, the initiator, and the wannabe protector of your man, you will start the whole thing out on the wrong foot. Most marital issues I faced as a pastoral counselor had their roots in how the relationship got off the ground. Rest assured that if you've found a guy who's willing to play the submissive damsel role, it's probably not a good thing.Third, when you go on that first-or fifty-third-date, ask yourself what you have to offer the Adam sitting beside you on that chairlift. Things we can't live without are often things we are using to feel good about ourselves. Maybe it's time to search out your motives and uncover what drives your dating choices. So now ask yourself: "Am I seeking to have an honest, accepting relationship with another fumbling human being? If you are in an addictive relationship, chances are that you know it's not a good thing but you're scared to death of being without your fix because the pain of being alone is just too much. So please, please, please, don't flake out on this one. You both deserve nothing but the real thing-that's God's Word, not mine.3. Looking back from their present crisis, many guys referred to feeling roped into the deal in the first place, even hoodwinked, and now controlled."But my boyfriend loves to be led about! There's a really good chance that the brother has issues, maybe a domineering mother, too.It puts the focus on who you are, which is your business. "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy [and resting]."I have way too many girlfriends who are working their tails off trying to "land a man." All this stressing and striving is completely unnecessary. The question on the table is whether or not you are willing to trust God and the man of your dreams to do his part in hunting you down and winning your heart. Maybe your parents are overpowering, controlling, harsh, or even mean. We honor our parents (or anyone) by respectfully listening to their side of things. I highly recommend doing this whole dating thing with your parents close at hand.God has us resting the last day of every week, Saturday-Sabbath-so we can remember that He's the creator, the one who makes stuff happen. Yes, ultimately the choice of who you marry is yours. And if they are not safe people, then I recommend praying for a godly couple to stand in for them.
Marriage works best when there are actually two whole people involved, and the more fully developed they are, the better. The gift of love will be given to you just like the gift of life was.There's a problem if you want him to define you, set your course, and bring purpose to your life. And for all of you beautiful sisters with hearts full of needs you don't know what to do with, stop waiting for the phone to ring! He's the only one who can ever actually meet your needs to begin with, and it'd probably be a lot less painful (for both you and Mr. Right holed up without your phone number because you're still looking for a Mr. "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below."The second commandment becomes very personal when we remind ourselves that worship is about what we "can't live without." If having Mr. Now, if you find the above tough to swallow, let me unpack one more passage that will get you in line fast.