Attachment dating style

04-Jun-2015 08:18

Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to, sadly, how they end.That is why recognizing your attachment pattern can help you understand your strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship.Children with a secure attachment see their parent as a secure base from which they can venture out and independently explore the world.Phillip Shaver on "Secure and Insecure Love." You can start to identify your own attachment style by getting to know the four patterns of attachment in adults and learning how they commonly affect couples in their relating.

For example, if we have a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment, we will feel that in order to get close to someone and have our needs met, we need to be with our partner all the time and get reassurance.To support this perception of reality, we may choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with.When we have a secure attachment pattern, we are confident and self-possessed and are able to easily interact with others, meeting both our own and another person's needs.However, when we have an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern, we may pick a partner who fits with this maladaptive pattern, and we will most likely be choosing someone who isn't the ideal choice to make us happy.

An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.Our model of attachment influences how each of us attempts to get our needs met.