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18-Dec-2015 07:03

A tweet from my pal Nicole Kristal over at #Still Bisexual, told me that Upon first sight, I was shocked and saddened by this information. It goes along with that strange belief that somehow it's more acceptable for women to be sexually fluid than men.

However, after composing the perfect response to send to Nicole, I thought more about it and realized something pretty terrible -- I wasn't surprised. Seething, and with my protective instincts raised for my bisexual brethren, I went back to work and asked my best work friend, (a straight woman) if she would date a bisexual man.

I phrased the question like the answer was obvious: "You'd totally date a bi guy, right? Here I am pitching this idea that the perfect man could come along and offer her the life and relationship she's always dreamed of, and she's saying she might turn it down if it also happens that he likes having sex with people who are not cis women like her?

Like, if you met a guy who was awesome and you really liked him, finding out he's bi wouldn't change anything, right? I quickly changed the topic so as to not have a fight about sex and relationships loudly where customers could hear, and I put the conversation out of my mind until my drive home later that night.

A while back, I was casually scrolling through Twitter on my company-mandated 10-minute break at my second job.

Explanation three: Hypocrisy and Biphobia When I got home from work, I looked up the very article Nicole was referencing and saw that the study also found that 47% of women surveyed admitted to being attracted to another woman at some point, and that 31% say they've had a sexual experience with another woman. It would appear that there's a common idea that a man who has sex with another man is gay, and therefore a woman shouldn't want to be with him because it's a waste of time. Your man having past involvement with other men does not mean he is any less manly or that he is on the "down low." All it means is that in addition to being with you, he also happens to like having sex with men.

The party, a swanky roof-top affair in New York City, was called “On Top.” I was feeling even more on-top than most, considering the 9-inch, Jeffery Campbell heels I was wearing.

Explanation one: Society is steeped in internalized homophobia and masculine ideals, and we create rules for ourselves and the people in our lives accordingly.

We admit that a woman being with another woman is fine, but get weirded out by a man being with another man. Because of the twisted belief that a man being with another man is somehow -- hilariously -- "unmanly." And since we've all heard insane rules about what it is to "be a man," how boys need to "man up," and how straight/bi women should only want "real, manly men" or "guys' guys," anything that is considered "unmanly" is a huge no-no.

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Fun tidbit: This is why when bisexuals are asked who is faced with more challenges and stigma, bisexual men or bisexual women, a lot of us will say bisexual men.

(Examples: 1, 2) Explanation two: The false and tired belief that being with someone who is bi/pansexual/omnisexual means that they will cheat on you or that you have more competition. D., director of the Sex & Gender Lab at Cornell University was quoted in the article as saying that the report of women not wanting to have sex with a man who'd been with other men suggested "that these women hold on to the view that while women occupy a wide spectrum of sexuality, men are either gay or straight." So women are allowed to be bisexual, or at least more sexually fluid, but men are not? To any woman who has had/does have feelings for a man who has had sex with other men: Turning down someone because of perfectly valid sexual preferences and/or behaviors is ridiculous.