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04-Mar-2016 14:37

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If you ever find yourself referring to a woman whose husband died on a battlefield as a single mother, you should immediately pour Tabasco sauce into your eyes, because you deserve to weep all the tears I’m certain she has.

Having a child out of wedlock is pretty much the number one thing you can do to fuck up your life. Never, ever assume a divorced woman is some innocent blushing maid cruelly abused by some terrible man. What kind of insecurities plague a woman who thinks getting married to a drug addict is good idea?

Single mothers are bona fide idiots and here is why you should never even consider dating one: First, this is a woman who clearly doesn’t give a shit about her child’s well-being and future prospects.

Lumping her in with single mothers is an insult to his memory, to her and to her children. Divorced mothers are also NOT single mothers, although a huge flashing PROCEED WITH CAUTION sign is definitely in order. A single mother is a woman who had a child outside of any established relationship, or a relationship so fragile the thickest retard in the world ought to have been able to see bringing a child on board was a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA.

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Updated to add: The use of the term ‘single mother’ is not exactly accurate. If you screw up and get pregnant, don’t screw up even more and bring an innocent child along with you! Divorced moms who escaped abusive marriages with drug/sex/gambling/whatever addicts should not get a free pass from you, either.

If you are a mother and you are collecting child support, you are not a single mother. The rest of us who have to LIVE with your fucked up, emotionally scarred children will PAY you to have a fucking abortion. Second, single mothers are clearly really, really shitty at making life decisions. You both put each other’s happiness above your own. Now divorced mothers, who are a breed of single mothers, MIGHT be a little different, but whenever you approach one, sing this little song in your head: it takes two to tango. Even if it’s TRUE that the husband was a colossal fuck-up, you need to ask yourself what kind of imperceptive moron couldn’t spot that?



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