Dating a grown child


16-Jul-2015 12:17

You believe that your anger, disappointment and obvious dislike will change your kid’s mind. Forcing an adult child to make the choice between the parents who raised him and the person he loves always ends badly.Cutting off the child will only cut you off from the wheel of life.You won’t get to see him develop into his adult self.You won’t be able to be there to comfort him in the hard times or to celebrate with him in the good. You won’t have someone who knows who you are to care about what happens to you when you are sick or old.If we want to maintain the relationship with an adult child and to continue to participate in the family’s life cycle, it’s up to us to keep our heads and to model how to agree to disagree. Do not allow yourself to get defensive or angry or threatening. If nothing else, the fact that she is able to withstand your disapproval deserves some grudging respect. Let him know you wish he saw it your way but that you will do your best to embrace the person he cares so much about. If there are children in the picture, focus on them. Provide whatever emotional support you can for the difficult job of raising a child. As much as we like to think we know better, we don’t always.Does all that really outweigh the fact that you think the choice is misguided? Talk, really talk about what interests her and what she is passionate about.

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Is your love for your child bigger or smaller than your commitment to an opinion, a belief or value system? You don’t see how the object of his affection can possibly provide that.

Is your child’s choice so disappointing or contrary to how you brought them up that you can’t find a way to make peace with it? Your hope is that your disapproval will bring your child to his senses.



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