Dating a recovering sex addict
Abstaining from the use of these substances is the recovering person’s sobriety time.(E.g., “I stopped using drugs and alcohol on June 15, 1987; therefore, I am over 10 years sober”).When we think about a #Sex Addict, why do we think about a man?I am a woman who was suffering from sexual addiction for 15 years before I was healed.In order for recovery from any addiction to take place, there must be a bottom-line definition of sobriety.
Upon reflection many recovering love addicts can relate to having used some strategy or another all of their lives in an attempt to find and keep sexual and romantic partners.One woman put it this way, “I never once went to a party without wondering who I could get a date with or get into bed, I always dressed for it and I always looked for it.” Whether through revealing dress, flirtatious manner or seductive talk; the addict is always hunting and searching in one form or another to try to bring that special attention, intensity and arousal that the latest tryst or liaison can bring forth.Sexual addiction requires the same attention and compassion as drug addiction, alcoholism, shopping addiction, compulsive eating addiction, and the list goes on. And please don't say sex addiction unless there is REALLY a diagnosis in place and please don't only assume that all sex addicts are mean or all men are sex addicts. Sex addiction implies misuse of sex for the purposes it is not intended, such as providing comfort, security, or validation.Sexual addiction, just like the other addiction listed above, has to do with brain chemistry, the behavioral patterns that were taught to us as children, and the ways in which we get comfort, security, and validation. Sexuality is a gift given to us to express emotional intimacy.
Dating a sex addict is the same as dating an alcoholic - there are many relationship problems and behavioral issues associated with the person's brain chemistry imbalance, unless they get professional help, unlearn old ways of getting comfort, security, and validation, and learn new, productive ways to live life.
By Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS Much of the love addiction literature speaks to the love addicts’ inability to live their lives without a relentless search for a partner in most any situation or experience.