Dating ex spouse after divorce dating as a young widow

20-Jun-2016 20:22

Like many women in their 60‘s I have lived through a divorce and can honestly say I went through more or less the same five stages on my road to recovery. After the painful reality of the divorce or separation sinks in, you admit that you are about to embark on a terrifying transformation. There are so many concerns, financial, personal, family, security, and shifts in self-image that have to be dealt with. Then, think about the venue (where you want to live). They will help you get your divorce settlement firmed up with all the terms clearly defined.

I hope that my explanation of the five stages of “EX” – EXile, EXpress, EXorcize, EXplore and EXhale – will help other women in the community who may be going through a divorce after 60 to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You often live in a state of denial, have trouble making decisions, and beat yourself up for every misstep. You dream of escaping to places like Bali or Brazil or Costa Rica or consider joining the Peace Corps. Make sure you have your own bank account and a team of people to help you – accountant, lawyer, banker, and real-estate agent. You have a new supporting cast and perhaps a whole new audience. but now it’s time to launch this new extraordinary production and explore life’s new options.

This however has to wait until reach the state of EXplore. At some point you start to realize that there are things in the world you love, people who care, a future. So, before you start exploring a new life, be sure you can afford it.

In your EXile backpack you will need things like dark sunglasses, Kleenex and small indulgences that make you smile. This is when you want to scream and let your emotions out. This phase can take time, while you may know where you want to go, you may need time to collect the necessary resources to make your dreams come true.

Here’s a quick video that I recorded on this topic, based on my own experiences. Then, join the conversation at the end of this article. You will of course need an agent to help you with lawyers and finances.

In fact, just about any and every escape opportunity is considered. Money cannot buy happiness, but, it can buy choices.

In the stage of EXpress, you are allowed to scream, moan and generally lose your composure! If you don’t do it now, you will have to live with the unexpressed guilt, remorse and a sense of utter abandonment. On the journey, you clutched any life support that you could find and just kept on breathing as normally as you could.

Most importantly, and this does not fit into backpack, someone to talk to. Ultimately, your reinvention starts from the inside, and sometimes that requires solitude. After a little while in solitary, you are still feeling wounded and depressed – and mad! So, explore options that you can afford but most importantly try to do what you love. Travel is one of the most liberating and energizing ways to reinvent yourself, alone or with other women. The world is expanding, and with it your choices- maps, guidebooks, new clothes, tickets to shows, gardens, museums – a new lipstick. There are some great online dating sites around these days.

But before you start dating again, remember: your relationship does not define you.

Don't date after your divorce until you feel comfortable with yourself and your emotional situation.

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