First dating etiquettes
A far cry from being felt up at the college bar by a frat boy you like but aren't so sure about after you heard what happened at last year's Fling Formal. It said: "Do you want to go to lunch and a movie tomorrow? She'll pay." Watching Amy Webb's TED talk (in which she details her online dating frustrations⎯until she got all her algorithms right), I was reminded of my own internet adventures before finally meeting my husband on Match in 2006. To them I reply, "If you're offended by this old-fashioned custom, then don't be shy about whipping out your wallet instead." In truth, it doesn't matter who forks over the cash as long as someone does it⎯fully. Taking someone out, being taken out...a rendezvous like this is sexy. There's a reason horny manakin birds do a moon dance and hippos spray their lovers with wet feces. Be happy you're not one of those female mites who kills her mother and brother while breeding. Lately a buddy told me that 70% of the men she meets online yap the entire time they're together, never attaining even basic information about her.
So most people have some modicum of etiquette on a first date.I'm not talking about ponies or flowers or dancing or a five-piece band playing show tunes (although I guess that would be nice? I'm talking about basic, basic things that apparently are lost on some. This is particularly annoying if you're of the general variety who is adhered to BBM.Prior to that, I spent five years having odd, incomprehensible, maddening, and deeply disheartening encounters like the one with Gary. Sometimes I'd get an email from someone who was exasperated by my own flaky behavior. With no agreed-upon etiquette, all of us did what we could get away with, or we emulated others. Calculating debt based on who had caramel in their frappuccino is not. This habit, I imagine, is due to social anxiety, narcissism, or some combination. If you think you might be a Chatty Cathy or Charlie, here's a test: Do you love the interplay of bass and treble in your own voice? Did you raise your hand in third grade even before the teacher asked anything?I'd like to blame this on a bunch of assholes, but that's not the case. If my loved ones currently in the digital dating world are any measure, things have gotten no better since I took myself off these sites. But in doing research for a book on sex, I've also learned a lot about the mating habits of our species. My opinion is this: If a same-sex couple is meeting for the first time, one of you should assume full financial responsibility. If you answered yes to any of these, you might need a list of polite questions you can bring along on your dates.
With heart palpitating, I played his voicemail message. Recently, a friend had a five-hour date with a woman he'd met on J-Date. That way both of us can cut our losses and move on. I should have stopped responding, but I was physically attracted to him⎯something that didn't happen often. If you don't want hot monkey love with a particular human, you need to communicate that. Now I was being tested on a subject I knew nothing about. If you don't want someone like me, please let your freak flag fly right away.