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Perhaps they are sincerely trying to assess the level of risk they might be taking. In my more hedonistic days — which admittedly were not exactly long ago in a galaxy far, far away — I was dumbstruck by the conversations I would have in gay public sex venues, even the most anonymous ones. ” would come the question by the gentleman who was fully prepared to engage in unsafe sex should my answer please him. ” I would then explain, spoken at times through a three-inch hole in the wall, that if this question was his sole criteria, then he really needed to leave this place and go directly to an HIV and STD testing center. Can we please remove this insulting, dangerous and unproductive question from our lexicon? You can simply offer your HIV status and see if your partner does the same.
Anyone who questions whether or not HIV stigma is on the rise need look no further than online profiles and hookup sites, in which “Are you clean? Or perhaps you have suffered the indignity of someone asking you “The Stupid Question” while negotiating a tryst. Implying that I am somehow “dirty” because I am HIV positive may not be the intention of the person asking the question. Like it or not, it is an assessment of the sexual viability of someone, and by extension, their “worthiness” as a human being. You’re going to take the word of someone in a dark room that you couldn’t pick out of a lineup?
And that is the alternative to The Stupid Question.
An interesting social marketing campaign has been created by a new organization known as The Stigma Project, which aims to reduce stigma by calling out questions like “Are You Clean?
The prosecutions are being conducted in a world in which disclosing your status – admitting you are “not clean” – has become increasingly difficult to do because of the very stigma generated by things like The Stupid Question.
To learn more about how criminalization has become a Kafkaesque nightmare for many people, check out some new addictions to the video library for the new organization The SERO Project, the brainchild of activist Sean Strub that is directly addressing HIV criminalization.
The ignorance evident in The Stupid Question makes it no less offensive.
I might work out at the gym later, or maybe the trash bag will break on the way outside and I will scoop up coffee grounds and put them back into the bag. But it also implies that they may raise their level of risk-taking should you answer “Yes, I am clean.” To place one’s trust in this answer, and to base your sexual behavior on it, . If he does not or you don’t like the answer, it is your right to decline having sex.And, because it is asked fairly exclusively by people who believe themselves to be HIV negative, it sets up an “Us vs. Whatever the case, if you are trying to remain negative then sex with someone you don’t know well should only include low-risk activities. While the intent may be harmless, is does do harm to people with HIV by increasing stigma and driving a further wedge between HIV positive and negative people.” I appreciate its mission “…to lower the HIV infection rate by defeating the stigma that strengthens it.” If nothing else, it has instigated a dialogue by addressing some of the misconceptions and clumsy thinking that stigmatizes people with HIV.
The environment we have created with questions like this one has implications beyond mere social awkwardness. Laws now on the books are being used against people with HIV who don’t disclose their status to sex partners – even when they engaged in safe sex, used a condom, and no transmission occurred.
If you really want to be heard and make a contribution to this dialogue, I strongly urge you to take a few minutes and answer The SERO Project’s new survey that gauges your attitudes about when and whether people should disclose their HIV status.