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19-Jul-2015 15:29

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The young woman who wrote the aforementioned e-mail explained how she has felt an unhealthy pressure to wed ever since her time at a religious seminary in Jerusalem.

Perhaps in the bygone world of the , it was considered common for men and woman to marry young, and perhaps the system served everyone fine.

And while -- admittedly -- many of us can sing Tzeitel's song for "Yente the Matchmaker" word for word, few of us can truly relate to the sentiment.

When I explained that many of us believe in first completing school or starting a career before making the supreme commitment, his response was a cool, "Why?

" This encounter deepened my concern that there was a growing disconnect between our spiritual leaders and my reality as a young adult.

The position the rabbi advocated was completely out of touch with my reality, and as far as I could see, he seemed unwilling to even consider the needs of a diverse and changing community.

Last summer, I experienced this pressure first-hand.

A prominent rabbi argued to me that too few students were getting married in college.

The article detailed a young woman's experience dating in the Modern Orthodox world and her struggle juggling both the pressure to get married and her desire to succeed in school.

She wrote, "Whether or not you agree with system, the system remains the same." The "system" to which this woman referred is the Orthodox Jewish world of dating and all of the pressure it exerts on those attempting to navigate through it.

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It is time for the Orthodox leadership to realize that.

One of the major problems with my rabbi's brand of marriage promotion is that his advice is often impractical and can lead to serious feelings of guilt and social insecurity.

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