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Over the past few weeks in particular, I’ve had quite a few readers tell me that they’re dating multiple people, something I find exhausting just thinking about it, but at the same time rather fascinating because I find that people give me all sorts of reasons for they do it: I’m just experimenting with dating. Remember how you didn’t like it when Mr Unavailable had a narcissistic harem of women he was dipping in and out of for an ego stroke? It’s where you discover the facts that will help you determine whether you should green light, date some more and potentially move into a relationship, or whether you should red light and abort the mission.
If you multiple date with dubious love habits, the moment that someone either ticks the boxes of your pattern such as having familiar characteristics, qualities and behaviours or doesn’t do what you expect, triggering curiosity and a sense of rejection that convinces you that you are more interested in them than you are in others, you will start thinking and expecting like someone who is dating them exclusively, while at the same time, because of your fear of getting hurt, being committed, or losing all of the sources of attention, trying to maintain some of the other guys.
Who said you have to go straight to a relationship? A couple of weeks ago I wrote about why dating is a discovery phase for fact finding.
I don’t want to get into a relationship too quickly?
What I found particularly prevalent though with each person who multiple dates is that they enjoy getting lots of attention from various different sources which helps them get a level of validation that they’re seeking. Here’s the trouble: I’m not suggesting that you be a nun or ‘commit’ to a relationship with a virtual stranger, although ladies, let’s be real, many of you committed to virtual strangers but told yourselves that you knew more!
But, is it just me that wonders what happened to dating one person at a time? What is this whole ‘But what if he’s not the one and I’m missing out on one of the other guys that could be? However, you are making a rather large rod for your own back because unless you have hide of a rhino and don’t really care about how other people feel, it can get pretty damn messy with the whole multiple dating thing.You won’t be interested because you’re genuinely interested – you’ll be interested because you’ll want to ‘win over’ this person and get validated, which is not the same thing.