The rating and dating complex
Treating dating as an exchange relationship may threaten to commoditize and destroy the illusions provided by the romantic model of love. Where the eighteenth-century man had looked to provide a simply furnished house for his family, men who married in the increasingly industrialized middle years of the nineteenth century set higher standards for themselves.The present study presents a brief historical perspective and qualitative data that illuminate the tabooed and neglected intersection of the material, the sexual, and the romantic in the dating practices of U. They aspired to equip their households with cook stoves, pianos, Irish servant girls, indoor plumbing, or whatever they and their families needed to enjoy and demonstrate middle-class status (Rothman 1984, p. At the same time, it was the responsibility of the bride and her family to provide a trousseau of clothes, linens, and "fancy things" to set up the household.In addition, a woman's home and schooling might limit her exposure to certain men. 163) reports a 19th century woman's derision of a neighbor's daughter whose marriage to an Army officer "was because her mother and brother never took the trouble to have a suitable home for her, and bring into it, the class of young men, whom after all they would have liked her to marry." -The home of a woman's family was both the meeting and screening ground for her future marriage prospects.American dating, mating, and courtship activities employ money and tangible gifts as key ritual elements and as focal symbolic vehicles.Gifts and dating expenditures "say" what cannot be said in words.I don't think that money should be a big issue in dating, and I wanted to find someone who didn't car too much for money [M 24]. Not that money can buy love, but rather money is an essential part of the dating process.I don't know if you can possibly have one without the other [F 24]. Like they try to buy each other or show how much they love each other in how much money they spend on the gift to the other person [F26].
However, perhaps due to the crass associations of exchanging money and gifts for the attentions and sexual favors of prostitutes, mistresses, gigolos, and gold-diggers, research on Western dating has largely ignored the monetary and material aspects of these relationships. DATING AND COURTSHIP The role of material possessions in early middle class American courtship practices was not so much in impressive gift-giving as in displaying command of the resources for providing comfort and earning a living. 24) explains: Before a man could marry, he had to possess the means to support a wife and children....A related explanation for this lack of attention is the inappropriate intrusion of the profane into the supposed realm of the sacred when cash and gifts become too prominent in our view of dating (Belk, Wallendorf, and Sherry 1989, Belk and Wallendorf 1990). His marriage "portion"--the land he would farm, the house in which he and his bride would live--came from a share of his father's property.I spent so much money on the girl that I had to quit school for a quarter and work full time. In America, money seems to have taken a big role in dating. Like the Beatles song, I believe strongly that "money can't buy me love".True love is developed through true friendship and trust, and generosity is only one of those features.... I guess I find it difficult to separate love from money.
Solomon, Provo, UT : Association for Consumer Research, Pages: 521-527.Unlike before when I viewed dates and gift giving an investment, I was now making decisions about buying from my heart instead of my head.